13 important things that I’m thankful for in my 13 years since my accident. 30 years of ADA laws have changed my life forever.
2020... What a year it has been.
It has been a year of uncertainty. A year of testing one’s mental health. A year that lacks socialization. A year that lacks physical engagement. A year of change. A year of awareness. A year of pandemic. A year of understanding. A year without sports. A year of business closures. A year of essential businesses. A year that we do not know how it will end.
In the midst of all of this, believe it or not, there have been great things and good that has come of this time. Like everybody, I have never lived during a time of my own personal life where I have had to actively seek out the positivity going on within me, around me, and in the world. At times I become very blinded, by the idea that when life is going well and things are right, I do not think twice about how good my life is. However, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we are all the victims of our circumstances when things are going bad and not only do we choose to think that we are in our circumstances alone, but we start to wonder what we have done to deserve these things. When we can retrain our perspective to think that things are happening “for us” rather than “to us” is when we see the true beauty in life. During these uncertain times, I have to continue to remind myself that there are opportunities all around me even in the midst of this chaos, to grow, to thrive, and to move forward.
All of these wonderful opportunities and blessings in my life have culminated to now and have left a mile marker of the 13-year mark since my accident looming in my visible site. With 13 years now behind me, I begin to think about what I have learned. Have I grown? I most certainly would hope so. What am I thankful for? What has happened? What has changed? What is to come? I want to share with all of you, in the midst of a pandemic, change, and an unforeseen time in human history, 13 things that I am grateful for on my 13-year anniversary since my accident on July 26, 2007.
1. My family and my wife- the solid foundation that I can stand on in the form of values, beliefs, ethics, actions, support, and love remind me that even if I could choose my family, I would choose my immediate and extended family 10 out of 10 times, for all of the great blessings that they have and continue to bring and give to me. I am forever indebted.
2. Friends- my friends have not only been who I thought they were, but they have also been so much more. They have unconditionally stood by my side and give me hope when things have been uncertain and dark. Even when I least expect it, they are there. I have been lucky enough to have many friends, all of which I consider family.
3. Community- there’s a reason that when I refer to my community around me, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. The support from the local community, the city of Claremont, local businesses, local institutions and universities, community partners, Apex Imaging Services, and The Claremont Club is a guiding light in the midst of my journey. Not only has my community embraced me, but they have embraced The Be Perfect Foundation and our mantra to spread positivity and awareness.
4. My faith- for some people this is a touchpoint. For me, I candidly tell you all that I stay true to my values and I refuse to compromise my beliefs, values, and ethics when decision-making out of respect for my lord and savior. I believe that I am being used as a tool to reveal his Glory here on earth. Because of my belief and faith in God, I have remained hopeful and I have taken the heart in knowing that my accident has happened “for me” and not “to me.”
5. TPS – The Perfect Step serves as a platform for me to fulfill my purpose each and every day as the Facility Director of our facility in Claremont at The Claremont Club. Mike Alpert and The Claremont Club ownership/board members have entrusted me in guiding a staff of 15 individuals to try and make a large difference in the paralysis community. Because of the incredible people around me, we have done just that and it is the reason that I can crawl out of bed every morning motivated to make a difference. Today that facility is receiving national recognition for our pioneering work in the paralysis community.
6. TCC- The Claremont Club and Mike Alpert stepped up to the plate 13 years ago at the time of my accident to ask, “how can we help?” since then, the rest is history. Through good intentions, the vision and Mike Alpert, and the support of The Claremont Club owners/board members we have created a program that is not only supported by our local communities but also has national recognition. The Claremont Club will forever hold a special place in my heart.
7. My staff- my staff at TPS and my staff of volunteers of The Be Perfect Foundation are my pride and joy. I can never express my appreciation for each of you to put your best foot forward each and every day to want to be involved and to want to make a difference by being hands-on and in the trenches. Because of you, the impact that we have made has transcended all my expectations.
8. Clients- the clients who we serve at TPS and that the clients who we provide scholarships to through The Be Perfect Foundation, continue to be my source of inspiration. Each of you disregards the lack of hope that has been put in front of you and focus on defying the odds and finding positivity in the midst of your struggles. I am the benefactor of all of our relationships because of the energy that you give me to want to do more.
9. BP- my philanthropic work is my true purpose. It has been said that the ultimate form of giving is doing something for others and expecting nothing in return. Even in the midst of trying to live out this very saying, I find that this is the most important way for me to give. I have been given far too much, to ever think about receiving anything from anybody in the future. It is my life’s work to serve others until I can not anymore.
10. Donors- where would we be without all of you? You are the only reason that we can continue to provide for others, continue to give hope to others, and continue to be regarded as an ethical, moral, and action-based foundation that can make a difference in the local communities. This all means nothing without each and every one of you and your continued support.
11. Shelter in place- believe it or not, there has been good that has come of this. It is very easy for all of us to look out the bad parts of this and the mental health struggles that have come along with this because of a lack of socialization. But I will tell you that the shelter in place mandate made me slow down, maybe reflect, and made me realize the importance of time. Time is not guaranteed. Oftentimes we do not get the most out of our time, because we are running so hard. When we can be mindful, live in the moment, and relish those moments when we slow down, is when we get the most out of life. So, when life eventually goes back to normal and we speed back up again, how do we maintain this perspective in the midst of the everyday hustle and bustle?
12. Social issues awareness- the social issues that have surrounded us in the previous months, have really opened my eyes and give me the awareness to things that have never been top of mind to me. Regardless of beliefs, we should all be supportive of others and take the time to listen, learn, and educate ourselves on what others might be going through. In the midst of this, I would like to think that I’m coming away as an individual that has much more knowledge on many of the social issues that continue to be topics in our society today, so I can implement internal actions that breed inclusive the and diversity for all walks of life and all populations of people who I come into contact with.
13. New beginnings- I would like to think that all of this will eventually come to an end and life will return to “the New Normal.” I know it’s hard to think of it this way, but maybe 2020 for many of us was exactly what we needed. A time to stop. A time to reflect. A time to slow down. A time to be better prepared. A time for new beginnings.
For many of us, the thought of stopping, slowing down, or doing anything but fight right now, doesn’t even seem like an option, when many people have been financially, emotionally, and mentally changed forever because of what is going on in the world. But, can we see the good in this? Can we find positive takeaways that will make us better?
The way I look at all of this is this, we are all caught in the same storm right now, however, we are all just on different boats. Some of our boats are meant to endure this storm a little better than others and not get capsized. Other boats are small and have trouble navigating the storm to stay afloat. But I can promise you this, for those of us that have very durable boats, that are stable and can support others, are the people that need to be reaching out to others right now, and embracing them, and pulling them on board so they do not sink. We can only get through this together. We can only get through this by showing empathy and putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. We can only do this by limiting our negativity and pushing positivity into the world to be understanding of opposing beliefs in the midst of these times. I’m not asking you to compromise your values and beliefs in your actions, but I’m asking you to consider changing your mindset and receptiveness to new ideas to learn where other people might be coming from. How this pandemic has changed all of us, will leave lifelong effects on each of us personally and in our local communities. Our local and small businesses are suffering. Family-run businesses that we support are folding. Many people battle the debate of what essential is in this world. For all of us that our life purpose is essential to each of us individually. For some people that life purpose is tight in too our professional practices. This is where we must be more empathetic towards those who may feel this way about their work.
Many of us don’t know how to act, how to be, what to say, or what to think. When considering these things moving forward, I hope you consider this first: Be Perfect. Every single day. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be and let that radiate on to others so we can all pull each other out of this tough time. 13 years removed from my life-changing accident I just gave you the most valuable life lesson that I’ve learned during that time. It turns out, it was the same life lesson I learned the day of my accident 13 years ago. It’s funny how much can change, but some things never change and still are relevant.
For those of you that are suffering through the midst of COVID 19 am thinking of you. For those of you that have lost loved ones and are seeing this pandemic through a very different lens, I’m praying for you. For those of you that have been financially crashed, without a job, and without purpose, I’m advocating for you. As we get back to life as we know it, hopefully someday soon, let’s all remind ourselves of how this feels, so we never take one more day for granted ever again.
With all of this in mind little support each other. Essential workers. “Nonessential” Workers. Medical professionals. Teachers. Business owners. Decision-makers. People. Everybody. Together.
THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT
Yesterday, July 26, marked the 13-year anniversary of the American with Disabilities Act getting signed into legislation, changing the landscape of the world for those living with disabilities forever. This in fact might be the most cherished thing that I am grateful for each and every day.
“The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 or ADA is a civil rights law that prohibits discrimination based on disability. It affords similar protections against discrimination to Americans with disabilities as the Civil Rights Act of 1964. In addition, unlike the Civil Rights Act, the ADA also requires covered employers to provide reasonable accommodations to employees with disabilities, and imposes accessibility requirements on public accommodations.”
If you would ask me on July 25 of 2007 what I knew about the Americans with Disabilities Act, I would tell you, “I don’t even know what that is.” Today, it holds much deeper and greater meaning to me. The 13-year anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act is monumental because of the changes it has induced in our local communities to make every day living for those with disabilities, easier, more accessible, and more feasible to live an independent lifestyle. Without the Americans with Disabilities Act, odds are going back to school to get my undergraduate and master’s degree would have been much more challenging, being asked and given an opportunity to have a career path may have been jeopardized, the possibility of being a father to my future children with my beautiful wife may have been out of the question, and maintaining a level of confidence because of public awareness and perception of what I’m going through may not exist.
I’m grateful for those previously who fought for me. Thus, I will spend every moment to the rest of my life fighting for others who don’t have the blessings that I have even in the midst of my own circumstances and struggles. This is only possible because of each and every one of you reading this today.
Cheers to 13 and 30 years.
BP
-Hal Hargrave Jr